Monday, 20 December 2010

I'm back...



First and foremost (…yes, Sir, I know I’m a bad girl, I must confess my laziness, I’m doing it now) I must apologize publicly and humbly request my readers to forgive me. I have not written for awhile. Admittedly I have been very busy in November and early December, they were circuitous issues about my job (this is not fixed yet…), and serving Master was more than ever a full time occupation on top of it. I’m not complaining, far from it, Master is the blessing of my life, He made me discover D/s and realize I was born to serve, but I found no time lately to be up to my task of exposing my slutty life to everyone.

Part of the dynamic between Master and me is how He exploits my shyness. He made me discover the intense pleasures of humiliation, and one of my many tasks is to expose myself and to document my life as his depraved, submissive whore. I am his property, I don't decide, but luckily he conceded this time that aside of some laziness from my side He could accept a fair share of the responsibility for my silence. Thank you for that, Sir.

Master knows so well He is not always helping and giving me time to write. Is it a game? Today for instance, when I started to write this, He came and stand in front of the sofa I was sitting on and asked abruptly “Do you want to cum for me Slut?” “Yes Sir, I always do.” “So why are you sitting there with your legs so tightly closed then? Come now, slut, open them for me.” I put my laptop on the sofa, pulled my skirt up and parted my legs apart as far as possible to make Him see my nude body submitting for Him. I had my usual tiny see-through panties on but didn’t move to take the filmy material off, as I know He likes me in the circumstances to wet my undies and keep them on soaked. Actually I was wet (Master always makes me moist instantly), my panties were showing it up…

“Such a good slut. Now rub your pussy for me.” His words excited me even more if it was possible and my fingers trailed down under my panties and across my waxed girly bits, and delved between my delicate folds into my opening. It was already dripping wetness and I drew the sticky moisture back up over my pussy and coated my throbbing clit with it.

“Good slut,” He growled at me “Now make yourself cum for me.” I pushed down harder on my clit and rolled it around and around with my finger, the sensations within my pelvis already building, but I was empty and my pussy was throbbing to be filled… “Please Sir may I take my panties off, please touch me!” Master frowned and slapped my face “I told you to cum and nothing else. Since when do sluts have a say? Don’t make me say it again!” As He shifted and moved between my thighs I closed my eyes briefly, His gaze felt hot on me and the level of His scrutiny was almost unbearable. I worked my cunt faster and my finger pushed down firmly onto my now fully engorged clit but that final fulfilment still seemed to elude me, my mind was filled with thoughts of His touch and my body was holding back.

Suddenly I felt His breath on my thigh and heard Him breathe in deeply through his nose. “Aahhhh the scent of you pleases me, now cum for me.” My eyes snapped open when I heard these words and I while looking down, seeing his face so close to me, I had instantly a real orgasm.

While I was sort of trying to gather my wits, He went out of the room saying, “Well done slut, now get on with your blog.” I knew I had to keep my ruined panties on, and I simply took my laptop without even trying to get my skirt right in place in case He would come back. What did I want to write? Yes, about submission. Not having a choice to do what you want, as well as what you do not want to do: we’re there, He really owns me.

You must know that Master doesn’t check my posts in advance, He simply reads them when they are published, as He knows that’s how I feel free to write my true reflections. In addition he can get a better perception of my true self that way. We often talk about my blogposts. That’s good to progress.

Now, how far would I go to please Him? Pretty far, I gave enough evidence of it. For sure I want some pleasure, but I am more than willing to do things that I would not consider pleasurable if it brought pleasure to my Dom. I think that I have generously proved my ability to buck up and do what I am told to, as you can see in my previous posts. In addition, I certainly let it go well beyond good for my immediate well being in a scene. I can get to the point where I really don't care, where I just want to feel the intense experience and the idea of stopping simply no longer exists.

It always surprises me to see how Master understands me so perfectly well. He sees inside me, my darkest fears, my darkest desires and somehow blends the two. To highlight an important step forward in my life, He knew before I did that I would find such an intense pleasure to be forced, degraded and publicly humiliated. In my previous life, I used to fantasize about being raped, or forced in a gangbang, or coerced into prostitution. The disturbing idea is my recent finding that I am definitely enjoying sex in those sorts of situations, when I am forced and ill-treated. Vanilla fuck is not for me anymore. Mentally, I find a little disturbing to note I am in fact a whore, but I must admit I am.

If you wonder why I accept to be shared and to pleasure men (or women sometimes) when Master orders me to, it means you are not a sub or, if you are, that you have not yet experienced the awesome payoff, the very intense rush, of being treated as a filthy slut, a total cum dumpster as my users happen to call me. Together with my own pleasure of being the slut every man wants to fuck, and of being taken thoughtlessly, I also realized that the guys – at least the ones who used me – were stimulated because they were not required to hold back and their climax was higher as they were not making love but merely ‘servicing’ me.

As you know from my previous posts, I was full of fear and it was not easy at the early times. It gets easier as you accept it and it becomes the norm, easier every day. All I can say to me is: take it day by day, and try and enjoy each little thing. Take pleasures when and where you can, keep your submissive feelings in your mind – and, as hard as it may be sometimes, try to accept your role mentally, constantly... remind yourself.

Master will reinforce it constantly, I know, through a variety of actions that will help my progress as a sex slave.

Now that I'm back to my task of telling you all, I will write more about these actions. Very soon.

Hugs


Alexia

3 comments:

  1. Welcome back!

    I totally understand about finding time to write, but I have learnt some real disapline in my life in order to be able to succeed in fitting it in. I try to aim to post at least twice week, anything over that is a victory for time management. Most important thing to me is that I enjoy it, the process of doing it and the end result and the connection I have made from my blog have all been wonderful bonus rewards.

    Mollyxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hey Alexia, great to see you blogging again.

    I can understand what you're saying from the experiences I had in my previous relationship. Even though I've been a lesbian most of my life I use to pleasure other men when my (ex) Mistress desired it. My pleasure came from her satisfactions of watching me pleasure them or be used by them.

    As for the humiliation type scene's it something I'm starting to explore with my current Mistress. The problem with my ex was we were both drug addicts. When you high you really don't give a fuck about what you're doing. That's part of the reason I decided to re explore my submissive side. I want to feel what it's like to be submissive with a clear mind. So far I'm really enjoying it.

    Great post and hope to see you post again soon :)

    ~Jess~

    ReplyDelete
  3. You write so well. Thank you for sharing the scene with your laptop and your Master. It was very hot! I'm thrilled to have the pleasure of reading your journey. It makes me immensely proud and envious of you.

    ReplyDelete