Friday, 11 February 2011

First anniversary!

“So much happen every week in your life, yet you have not blogged for ages you lazy slut” Master said with a disturbing grin. Fortunately He had some paperwork to do, and I immediately reached my laptop in case He would change His mind and teach me with His riding crop how to keeping more or less on schedule with tasks. I love to be His pain slut for the express purpose of His sexual pleasure (and mine as a happy result) but way less when the purpose is to punish me. Difficult to explain, but pain is painful in that situation.

True, there is a lot to say. Master’s right as always… First of all, we celebrate this month my first full year of submission. If you had a look through some early entries of this blog, you would remember that I first met Him just before Xmas 2009, we had sex for the first time in January 2010, and He really sort of started collaring me the following month, in February. Twelve month ago! I make a difference between January and February, because in January I realised He was my Prince Charming, all I had ever dreamed about, and we had mad sex but nothing so different in that respect from what I experienced with many of my previous partners (though I found His authority and control was overwhelming…) when in Feb I knew I’d do anything for Him, He was then fully controlling everything of me, He started to train me and teach me protocols, and as an aside I got my first punishment. I was in love from scratch but I date from that later moment my true debut as a sub, His owned slut.

When I met Master, I had no idea of what I was going to become if my inner dream was to serve a man I would love. I have served many “partners” in my short life, at least sexually, but it was not that kind of relationship. And maybe I was not that much in love. I thought I was “submissive” simply because I never said “no” to a man. Mostly it was about sex and nothing was off limits: the guys were happy as you can imagine, and I confess I was, as well. But aside from hard sex they were ordinary males, hedonist and selfish. Before Him (Sorry, I am not authorised to write His given name…), I never crossed a real Master. What is a Master? It’s all about deep understanding, control, love, a special need for exchange, strong will to improve the slave, to drive her and to make her constantly progressing. And, from the slave viewpoint, as I read somewhere “it’s all about obedience. The need for it, the direction that comes from it, the self esteem and pride that result from forming a habit of obedience. Obedience is the heartbeat of slavery. Obedience is the primal tone of evolution for those of us for whom D/s is the only authentic path to our growth, destiny and happiness. Obedience is exchanged for responsibility.

Am I His sub or His slave? I don’t really make the difference, which is after all whatever people in the relationship feel that it is. In other words, with Master, I am without limits, totally under His control, and when I reflect about it I don’t even consider myself to be His submissive or His slave. Quite simply, I am His property.

No doubt I was in need of a Master. But not any Master. Him.

This blog, again, is born from Master’s wish that I write about my new life, my experiences and my feelings. Quite a few readers kindly message me that they like my writing, which is of course a great inducement. I was recently asked, “Is that blog based on reality or a fantasy you have?” I first smiled (Master too…), then on reflexion I thought useful to mention publicly here that there is no fantasy at all I'm afraid, only my thoughts, my feelings and glimpses of my life with Him. Master wanted me to document my life with Him, that’s all. If sex, often kink sex, is very important in our life, it is a fact.

I have never been ashamed of my sexuality and always done my best to pleasure the man I was with. I know actions must speak louder than words and – shyness apart, bus as a shy girl I can be very provocative – I always acted in a way guys could easily tell the difference. I wonder why average girls (like me) fail sometimes when it is so elementary… Bitching is more than teasing. I am a born whore, an instance from some years ago comes to my mind. One evening I was driven home by a sexy guy I just wanted but who was not giving evidence he intended to spend the rest of the evening with me. To make him reconsider while we were cruising (of course he was driving), I bent over his groin and without a word I unzipped his fly, took his full equipment out, and started one of the best blowjob of my track record. Have you ever heard of a male ordering “Stop it!” in that situation? It may exist, but that one didn’t say a word and let me hot and moist work scrupulously his amazing cock while thinking “Happy not to have missed that one.” Whatever his former plans (poor other girl), my new fuck buddy took me with him for the night. He may have had many regrets in life, but I was not one of them.

In summary, since males started taking interest in me I have built up a slutty tendency which grew naturally as it turned out a success in any circumstances. Easy successes, I agree. I simply wish to explain why I found normal from the beginning that Master was highly demanding in terms of sex, and I thought also totally normal that I should live up to his expectations and beyond.

Looking back I understand now that the seed of submission was planted long ago. I have never made any conscious choice, and I cannot recall exactly when I crossed the boundary line (if any such line exists?), it was progressive. I only know, now, that I will serve, obey and please my Master as He wishes. I must satisfy all of my Master’s needs and desires to the best of my abilities.

The fact is He knows me better than I do myself. He knows what I like and dislike, and, much better, He knows that before I do myself. We are alike and we complement each other. He needs me as well as I need him. But above all, I worship my Master and His power fills me with awe.

He also taught me how to be the perfect whore He wants, for His private pleasure at the beginning, and then He understood that I could also fulfil one of His dearest pleasures, to share me with His friends or even to have me serving strangers and being treated as a subby by those men.

Reluctantly at the beginning, and more freely now if I still fear it, I must admit I deeply enjoy to be abused, humiliated and degraded though I was and I am still emotionally disturbed with it. Not so much of accepting it willingly, the rules must be obeyed without question or hesitation at all times, and I am happy to satisfy all of my Master’s needs and desires to the best of my abilities. Yes, I am happy to please Master, and that turned me into a willing submissive slut longing for serving sexually.

A friend of mine wrote to me (I think I've arleady published it, but I like his words): “Your lack of enjoyment with vanilla sex is common with subs. You have learned that your pleasure must be earned and is not given freely. This is something most people do not understand. I’ve tried to explain M\s relationships to vanilla people before. It is usually a waste of my breath. I believe you have become so emotionally owned by your Master that anything he tells you to do be it humiliating or painful or just normal, turns you on because you are doing it for Him. To please Him To make Him Happy. I hope that makes sense.” It does makes sense, my friend.

Was I attracted to Master because He was a Dom, and my inner nature new it and wanted it? Maybe. I remain convinced that women are primarily "sexually" submissive. Now, the partner plays a huge role in this dynamic since it is mainly the psychological aspect of the interplay that opens a woman's mind to submission. Still, I will always believe that a woman always prefers a man/woman who can make her surrender!

Enough thinking about where I come from and where I am now. We had two celebration of our first full year together, one was private and awesome, and the second one last weekend was another story, full of cocks to serve. I have started writing both and will post them hopefully this Sunday.

Kiss you all